Hiccups
by Nikomedes
Summary: The trio is at the end of their ropes trying to fix Hermione's hiccups. Fleur comes up with a cure to help.


Okay, so this is a little thing I whipped up after getting some hiccups... they suck. It's pretty meaningless but it was fun to write.

Extra-note: I re-read this and thought it was too short thus, well, I added stuff.

-Disclaimer- All rights go to their respectful owners and yeah... I own nothing.

* * *

Hiccups

"Hic."

Silence.

"Hic."

More silence.

"Hic, hic, hic."

"Bloody hell, 'Mione! Go drink some water!" Ron exclaimed irritably, running a hand through his bright red hair. Three hours. They had spent the first three hours of the morning putting up with Hermione's uncontrollable hiccups.

"Hic- Don't you -hic- think I tried -hic- that?" She slammed down another empty glass onto the table, adding to the already growing collection. This morning had been really terrible.

"Hic... hic... hic..." She scowled. This was worse than the time she accidentally found Charlie's hidden collection of "private items" while searching for Ginny's missing earrings. At least, she thought they were Charlie's belongings since images of dragons (amongst other things) were included. She hadn't been able to look directly at his face for months, after that.

"Hic... hic... hic, hic.." Hermione glared at Ron.

"What am I supposed to do?" He snapped. The hot humid summer air had caused the lot of them to become quite uptight. But with the added noises from Hermione, one could say the gang had become downright cranky; the girls especially, since 'Phlegm', (as Ginny enjoyed calling her), decided to visit for the time being. Although, Hermione didn't mind as much as the other girls; she had a tiny infatuation with the newcomer.

Not that she would ever, in a million years, admit it.

"Hic- It's -hic- not going to -hic- cure itself. Hic, hic, hic." She tried to stab Ron with her gaze, as if it would remedy her inconvenient dilemma.

"And you think I don't know that?" He crossed his arms and slumped in his chair. This morning had been _really_ terrible. Hermione merely continued to stab him with her glare as she guzzled down another glass of water, but to no avail. When it came to thinking, Ron was absolutely useless.

"I don't think that would help you." Harry spoke upon entering the Weasley's dining room. She gave him a look, as well. Finally, opting to switch tactics, Hermione inhaled deeply in hopes that holding her breath would get rid of the nuisance.

"Do you think it's going to work?" Harry questioned.

"No." Ron muttered grumpily.

"Actually, I think it did." She grinned in relief.

"Thank Merlin!" The redhead breathed, throwing up his arms in joy. Now, they could focus on more important issues. Issues like trying not to get harassed by the twins, trying not to get criticized by Fleur, avoiding Mrs. Weasley in fear of chores, and so on and so forth. Not to mention, attempting to beat the sweltering heat.

...

"Hic."

"Did you jus-"

"Hic, hic, hic, hic."

Harry groaned in frustration. Not a good morning at all. Apparently, the little buggers hadn't ceased. The irritations still reined in her diaphragm like small frogs leaping around. (What a bother.) If such a thing was happening, Hermione was sure the tiny aggravations were waging war against her poor organ.

"HIC."

"That's it!"Ron stood abruptly, causing his chair to unpleasantly scrape against the floor. "I can't take it, anymore!" He fumed and stomped out the room, the heat and Hermione's hiccups getting the better of him.

"Have you tried drinking water?" Harry inquired, now occupying the seat Ron had graciously left behind. (The redhead was so thoughtful.) Hermione gave him yet another look, and then pointed to her lovely collection of empty glasses.

"Yes, right." He paused to think. "How 'bout hyperventilating?"

She shot him a sceptical glance. What would hyperventilating do? Maybe, if she was lucky enough, she would faint from inhaling too much oxygen and wake up happily with no hiccups.

"It's worth a try." He shrugged. The brunette witch grimaced, but did as she was told. Perhaps, it would cure her? She inhaled and exhaled sharp rapid breaths, yet all it did was cause her to choke on her tongue.

"Hic, hic, hic." She wheezed as she coughed. "I -hic- think -hic- it -hic- got -hic- worse!"

"Uuuuuhhh..." Harry scanned his brain for any other antidotes. "You could try standing on your head for ten minutes."

"Hic, hic, HIC." She glared at him.

"Here, I'll help you." Harry proceeded to balance Hermione on her head. "Use your arms for support."

"Hic, hic, hic. You -hic- sure about -hic- this? Hic, hic."

"Absolutely." Harry flipped her upside down and leaned her by a nearby wall. Meanwhile, Hermione was having trouble supporting her body.

"I'm -hic, hic- not a piece of – hic- furniture! Help -hic- me!" She screeched as the blood rushed to her head, instantly making her temples throb and her sight blur. Harry quickly clung to her legs, halting all previous swaying. It took him about four minutes into the task to finally realize the unhealthy blue colour on Hermione's face, hence he aided her up.

"Did it work?"

"Yes..."

Harry jumped in celebration.

"At -hic- making -hic- my -hic- head -hic- hurt. Hic, hic, hic... Now what? Hic, hic."

"We keep trying." Harry sighed, running a hand through his already unruly hair.

The pair spent hours attempting to relieve the aggravation. They had tried jumping up and down (Mrs. Weasley got angry at the racket), chewing gum (thankfully Hermione didn't choke on it), immersing her face in water (let's say it ended up disastrously), and basically any possible thing that popped into their minds. Unfortunately, none of it worked.

"Is she cured yet?" Ron's red head poked through the doorway. Obviously, time away from the hiccupping Hermione had made him calmer.

"No." Harry answered, fatigued. "We've tried everything, nothing works." His head collapsed onto the table in a dull 'thud'.

"Have you tried breathing through your shirt?"

"Yes." The two replied in defeated unison.

"How 'bout jumping-"

"Yes."

"Hyp-"

"Yes."

"C-"

"Yes."

"You could at least let me finish my sentence." Prior to any response, Hermione began to go into a raging hiccup fit. If no one knew any better, one could say that Hermione was giving birth to a cricket through her mouth.

"'Mione, you all right?" Harry inquired as he noticed the new uproar. In fact, he was pretty sure _everyone_ noticed the uproar, as it seemed that it was so loud that people from across the globe could notice it.

"HIC, HIC, HIC!" Hermione nodded, waiting for the annoyance to settle. It never did. "HIC, HIC, HIC, HIC, HIC!"

"You know, I once read that a muggle had the hiccups for nearly thirty years." Ron stated dumbly, not helping the situation.

"So, she's goin' to have this thing for the next few years?"

"I hope not."

"HIC, HIC, HIC!" Hermione started to bang her fist on the tabletop. Partly to gain the attention of the two boys who were going to leave her to die of this incurable illness, but mostly out of frustration. Why did she have to get this insufferable aliment? She didn't think she deserved it. Now Ron, on the other hand...

"Why eez eet so noisy een 'ere?" The beauteous physique of Fleur Delacour entered the room, making the trio stop and stare. Her fair hair seemed to sway in the air (even with the humidity) as if she was constantly behind a magical wind machine, her piercing blue eyes shone in the sunlight from the windows, and time seemed to come to a complete stop.

"'Mione has the hiccups." Harry answered, his brain recovering from 'Fleur-shock' faster than the others.

"I could 'elp eef you want?" Harry shrugged while Ron had commenced to drool at the sight of the blonde beauty.

"Come 'ere." Fleur beckoned to the hiccup-crazed girl. Hermione wandered over reluctantly.

"Zere eez a way to fix zis... but you might not like eet."

"HIC- Go -HIC- ahead. HIC, HIC." The brunette witch managed to spit out. She was desperate enough to try anything at this point.

Anything.

"'Ere goes." The blonde smirked as two hands cupped Hermione's face. Slowly, they lead the path to Fleur's lips. Shivers ran up and down Hermione's body as their lips melted into one. However, as heavenly as the kiss was, all good things must come to an end. The older witch pulled away with a playful smirk on her face.

"Zat should do eet." She sauntered off leaving a very shocked trio in her wake. Hermione and Harry had expressions on their faces that resembled one of a deer in headlights whereas Ron had turned into a deep shade of purple.

"Di-did it work?" Harry questioned in a dumb voice. Hermione opened and closed her mouth several times before any words came out.

"Y-yeah." She responded breathlessly. In a daze, Hermione brought her hand up and touched her lips, which still lingered with Fleur's taste.

"It worked." She whispered.


End file.
